Failure jokes
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
Apparently, rock bottom has a basement.... :\
Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.
Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?
Then there is me: My life.
Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."
Thankfully, I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.
When you start sweating after filling in "C" for the third time in a row.
Why did ze cow cross the road?
yo watch his mum getting butchered she was an udder failure.
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
In life you either yeet or get yeeted, or you beat or get beaten.
I guess I failed.
What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
What is common in my AirPods and the Titanic?
They sync properly.
I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.
They brought it over but spilled it on me.
I said that was a udder failure!
What happens when you suck?
You succ.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
Puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste, a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (I'll never be able to do it).
The mother: AI NINO (OH CHILD).
The teen: QUE? (WHAT?)
The mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! (DON'T START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN!)
The teen: I CAN'T DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA!
The mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH.)
The teen: QUAL (WHICH).
The mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD).
The teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA (THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE).
*A phone buzzes.*
The teen: Whose phone is that, ma?
Unknown: MR. PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE?
*Runs to bag, opens white one and sticks hand in.*
The teen: HAIR GEL
I got rejected from art school today, so yeah.