Stormtrooper: What should we do about the failed plan?
Palpatine: Screw it.
If at first you don't succeed,
Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.
All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something. Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.
Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
My dad told me I'm a failure.
I failed a math test.
Good thing there's a pole outside my house.
I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
Why did Sally fail her final exam?
Because she had nothing written down.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
Joke: Why did the gym close down?
– It just didn’t work out.
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
my life is such a udder disappointment what a udder failure
I tried to catch the fog, but I mist.
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
