Face jokes

Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.

When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.

What do you call an emo's face?

Elmo's son.

I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.

I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I've never had a lentil on my face.

Hey, you have something on your chin, no the 3rd one down.

How do you f**k a sheep?

Put your d**k in it and face it off the cliff edge. It'll keep going backwards as you push forwards.

Your hairline's exactly like your nose; it's always offside.

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

What do girls after sex with Pinocchio?

Wash off the birch sap from the face.

It's like your hairline and your forehead had a disagreement.

Yo mama so tall!!! When she wakes up from her bed, she stands up and finds NASA beside her face, and she thinks it's a fly!!!

You were sad because your grandmother died.

The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.

What do you call a man without a body and a nose?

I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?

My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.

Why do orphans like to go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.

"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.

"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.

"He thought he was having his picture taken."

1, 2, 3, 4, your sis is such a whore,

5, 6, 7, 8, she has cum on her face.

I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.

I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.

Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!