Face jokes
Yo mama so ugly, she made everybody's face fall off.
I have the funniest joke ever, here it is...
Your face!
It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?
Mo sal. F.
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
"That's not my age; it's just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."
God creates a wasp :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it's face a sword, but it has a hole so it's basically a mouth.
Angel: weird.. but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: . - .
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give 'em a taste 'o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I'm so sorry..*
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!
Why do lions always lose at poker?
Because they always play against cheetahs.
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
What’s the difference between a zit and a priest? The zit waits 'til you're 12 to cum on your face.
I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.
Why did the steward not receive his passport? Because his face was not valid!
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
Poopy face, poopy face, poopy poopy poopy face!
The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.
The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.
The French salute starts with your hands in the air.
The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.