Face jokes
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
Teacher: Why did the skeleton know the weather outside?
Student: 'Cause he could feel it in his bones.
Teacher: No, he read the weather report, you fucking idiot.
I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.
Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?
Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
Q: What did Darth Vader say to his smashed wristwatch?
A: I find your lack of face disturbing.
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
Why did Snow White get kicked out of Disneyland?
She sat on Pinocchio's face and said: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
Yo mama so tall!!! When she wakes up from her bed, she stands up and finds NASA beside her face, and she thinks it's a fly!!!
How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?
One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
Your face and your life.
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
A horse, a fox, and a bunny join together and make a rock band. They started doing tiny gigs, but they got famous and went on tour. They all got so famous it went to their heads, and the band disbanded. The fox made his, and the bunny made her own. The horse was sad that the band was no more, so he went to a bar, and the bartender asked why the long face?
What would a clock look like with no numbers?
Timeless!
What does a nosey paper do?
It gets "Jalapeño" your face!
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.
You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.
Who's the bus driver?
You will never nose [know].
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"