Existence jokes

What's the only gun that doesn't exist in Africa?

A water gun.

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?

"I finished my job."

What about me?

Why make a joke when I wake up and look at myself?

What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?

One was planned.

My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.

My friend said my life was a joke.

No jokes have meaning.

If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.

It says enter a joke, but I can't enter my life.

Life lesson guys:

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

What's life if you don't have one...

My sex life.

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?

There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.

(Just a joke, no offense.)

If the American Dream exists, why is it always filmed in Canada?

My wife treats me like God!

She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.

What’s the difference between life and a rape joke?

Life fucks you until you stop breathing; a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.

What do you call a depressed person's life?

At this point, nonexistent.