Why make a joke when I wake up and look at myself?
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
You know when people say a joke about living?
That's because we are all living a joke.
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?
One was planned.
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
It says enter a joke, but I can't enter my life.
What's life if you don't have one...
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
My friend said my life was a joke.
No jokes have meaning.
My sex life.
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?
There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.
(Just a joke, no offense.)
What’s the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing; a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.
You should go soul searching. Maybe you'll find one.
Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.
And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.
What do you call a depressed person's life?
At this point, nonexistent.
My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.
