Existence jokes
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?
One was planned.
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
Why make a joke when I wake up and look at myself?
My battery lasted longer than your sad, depressing life.
My friend said my life was a joke.
No jokes have meaning.
If you’ve got depression, then your life is a joke. Everyone laughs at both.
It says enter a joke, but I can't enter my life.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
My sex life.
What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?
There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.
(Just a joke, no offense.)
If the American Dream exists, why is it always filmed in Canada?
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
You should go soul searching. Maybe you'll find one.
What do you call a depressed person's life?
At this point, nonexistent.
What's the worst thing to happen to a Japanese person in WW2... being drafted as a kamikaze pilot, or existing with a Fat Man or Little Boy?