Existence jokes

Thankfully, I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.

What's the difference between a knife and my life?

A knife has a point.

You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end.

Why doesn't my egg want to crack?

Because I hate my egg-sistence.

In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.

What's the difference between life and death? Life hurts.

I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.

My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.

My day started out great until I woke up.

I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.

What's worse than depression & suicide?

Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.

Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

My life is a joke.

I call my friends Dodo birds. Because they don't exist.

Why do heterosexual men and heterosexual women believe that bisexual men don't exist because male bisexuality doesn't exist? Because it doesn't cycle 🚲.

Define abnormal life.

Waking up every day living a sane life!

You know what I saw today?

Everything I looked at.

A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."

you.

Humanity.