Existence Jokes

Don't say your life is a joke, because jokes got meaning.

Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.

My attempt in 2021.

And my attempt this year.

I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!

By the way, infertility is hereditary:

If your parents did not have children, you will not have any.

I went to the “lists of women” page on Wikipedia and it was blank.

Either, Wikipedia is proving women do not exist or John Cena decided to come out as transgender.

Dam

The image depicts a text that says "Me: *puts on hand sanitizer* A cut I never knew existed:", followed by an image of Elmo engulfed in flames.

My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?

Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?

And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?

They say nothing is impossible, but I've been doing nothing all day.

When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.

In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.

My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.

*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....

What came first? The chicken or the egg?

Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?

Who taught the first ever teacher?

If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?

If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?

In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?

Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?

How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?

The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?

Is it possible to cry underwater?

If two left handers have an argument, who is right?

I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O

If the American Dream exists, why is it always filmed in Canada?

You have an entire life being an idiot, why not take a day off?

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.

Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.