Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
My ex got hit by a bus yesterday.i nearly lost my job
i was hit by a car later my ex lost her bus job
What do you call a no "r"-med T-rex?
A T-ex.
Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.
Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!
On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.
If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.
That's cringe, bro. The ex weas pisitive.
I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.
What did Pennywise become after LEAVING the circus? Ex-IT.
What do the twin towers and my ex have in comman? The both fell on my dad.
Build your ex a fire, and they're warm for a day.
Set your ex on fire and hide the smile/evidence.
Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.
My ex misses me, but her aim is getting better.
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.
He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.
This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."
Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.
What do you call lesbians having sex?
My cheating dyke ex-wife!
