Exes jokes

I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.

I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.

(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)

Fruit is like ex-wives.

They both look really good hanging from a tree.

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?

Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!

I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.

My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.

If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.

That's cringe, bro. The ex weas pisitive.

What do you call a no "r"-med T-rex?

A T-ex.

What did Pennywise become after LEAVING the circus? Ex-IT.

The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!

What do the Twin Towers and my ex have in common?

They both fell on my dad.

Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.

He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.

Build your ex a fire, and they're warm for a day.

Set your ex on fire and hide the smile/evidence.

Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.

My ex misses me, but her aim is getting better.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."

Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.