Evers jokes

Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.

I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"

“Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?”

“No.”

“Neither have they.”

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.

If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.

You're the sriracha to my hoisin sauce.

And together, we are pho-ever.

Have you ever met a knight with a metanite at night?

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

Have you ever heard Stephen Hawking sing?

"Head, shoulders, wheels and frames, wheels and frames!"

How to give a good hand job?

Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.

None of you ever touch my penis.

Who wants to hear the biggest joke ever?

My life.

Today; worst day ever.

My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.

If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.

Expresso, expresso, no more depresso!

What is the spiciest meat ever? Pepperoni.

Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?

That's okay. There is really no point to it.

What's the grossest thing ever?

A bag of dead babies.

What's even more gross?

The bottom one is still wriggling!

Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?

Neither have they...

Ever tried Ethiopian food? No? Neither have they.

Have you ever seen a baby unicorn? No! Because unicorns are gay rainbows in equine form.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.