Where did Sally go during the bombings? Everywhere!
Why didn’t the parents bother looking for her? Because she was in the front and back yard in small chunks! 😂
One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite holiday? 4th of July when they set off fireworks.
You can't spell "Funeral" without "fun."
A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.
Happy New Year! 🍆🍑🍆🍑
My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.
What hit the ground first in 9/11? The people.
What do you call a Lesbian at a Barbecue? A LGBBQ.
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
"Did you go to the biscuit eating championship?"
"Yea, it was crackers!"
Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?
Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...
Why is it so hard to make a party on Earth?
Because you need to planet.
Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?
Because Sally wrote the invitations!
A bat mitzvah for sheep is a baaaaaat mitzvah!
Did y'all ever hear about the great thunder crash of September 11th?
What's the square root of your dead?
9/11.
Ever heard of the game T.T.2: 9/11? That game was bomb.
The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
