Event jokes
Why does the Tower of Pisa lean?
Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
When was the biggest BBQ in history? Hiroshima, August 6, 1945.
I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.
Q: What is 9 + 11?
A: 9/11
You can't spell "Funeral" without "fun."
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...
I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?
Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...
So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
Sans: Why couldn't the skeleton go to prom?
Papyrus: Why? AND YOU KNOW I HATE PUNS!
Sans: Because they had NO BODY to go with.
Papyrus: THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
Sans: Sorry, didn't mean to GET UNDER YOUR SKIN.
Papyrus: YOU HAVE MADE ME MAD TO THE BONE SANS......wait
Sans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?
Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?
"We’ve got a runner!"
Who are the fastest readers? The people who were in 9/11. They went through 91 stories in 1.2 seconds.
"Did you go to the biscuit eating championship?"
"Yea, it was crackers!"
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
Yo mama's so stupid that when she went to the Super Bowl, she brought a spoon.