Etiquette jokes

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.

I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"

Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...

Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

I would roast you, but I'm not supposed to burn trash.

"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"

I called my sister a party pooper after she came to my party uninvited.

Grampa said that the only ones who poop at parties are the ones who don't get invited.

So I guess that means I was the party pooper at my own birthday?

You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."

"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose 👃, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃.

I was wearing a mask and told the teacher I ate her vagina. She said what? I pulled my mask down and said, "No, I said I like your hyenas." Then a kid sees me do it, but he only heard the first part, so he goes up to the teach and says, "I'ma fuck you tonight." She said, "Pull your mask down," and he pulls his mask down and says, "I'ma fuck you tonight."

You can pick your friends and you can pick your 🤥 nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃.

Does it 🚲 🚲 🚲 cycle now?

Hi Prince.

Who do you ask to wipe you? Your butler!

What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?

Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)

Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.