Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist
I'm listening to a song about fish--it's very catchy.
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
50 Thumbs up for 10 jokes you ́ve never seen!
You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
Yo mama so fat,
She doesn't fit in a Titan's mouth.
(Attack on Titan; Shingeki no Kyojin)
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it goo!
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.
[Chorus 2x]
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus]
And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
Video game company names always make me make puns I didn't intend to.
If Bruno Mars was to run a pub and sell chocolate bars other than alcoholic drinks then he'll have to call his pub a Mars Bar
Why don't you shower with a Pokemon? He might Pikachú.
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!
My favorite instrument? The TromBONE, of course.
What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.
