Em Jokes

Why are we still fighting in darkness?

"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."

Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!

I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

Trump likes to grab 'em by the pussy. Putin likes to grab them by their tiny hands.

An old painting shows a man sitting in a theater. The text overlay says "Prank em" above and "John" below. The text appears as a meme overlay. The man is in a theater box and another man is sneaking up behind him.

When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!

What is an emo girl's favorite map in Halo?

Hang 'em high.

Hit 'em with the 1, 2, Jeffery Dahmer!

What do you call a stabbed pig?

Porkchopped.

What is a pig's favorite Food Network channel?

Pork Chopped!

Hah, got 'em (I guess)!

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck 'em.

Welcome to Joe's abortion clinic! No fetus can beat us! You make 'em, we take 'em!

Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?

So, Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's. So he goes home and asks his mom, who's cooking, "What's the first letter of the ABC's?" He asks, and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!"

So then he walks to his sister, who's singing in the shower, and asks her, "What's the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" She responds with "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" Then he walks over to his brother, who's watching Batman, and asks, "What's the 3rd letter of the ABC's?" and his brother responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then he proceeds to walk to his dad, who's watching football, and asks, "Dad, what's the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" Then he walks to his grandma, who's cooking buns, and asks her, "What's the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" Then Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day, and the teacher says to her class, "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's?" Johnny, of course, raises his hand, and the teacher calls on him. Then he says, "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" Then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says, "Young man, are you ready to go to the principal's office?" Then he proceeds to say, "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principal's office. Then she says, "What's your name, son?" He responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then the principal asks, "How many spankin's, boy?!" He responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" and after that, he runs out of the principal's office while yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"