Elephant jokes
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
Would you rather:
Fight Mike Tyson
Or
Lick an elephant's butt after it took a crap with diarrhea?
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?
Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
Teacher: Here, have candy.
Kid: No, I’m too fat.
Teacher: Shut up, or I’m gonna fail you.
*Next week*
Teacher: Okay kids, get off the floor and go back to your seats.
Kid: I’m too fat to get up.
Teacher: Don’t you remember what I said?
Kid: Yep, elephants don’t forget.
Dad: What's the difference between an ELEPHANT and a POSTBOX?
Son: I don't know.
Dad: I'd better not trust you with my post then.
What do you call an elephant and a rhino mix?
Helliphino!
Lil Johnny's teacher wanted to play an alphabet game, so she said, "What word starts with A?" Lil Johnny raised his hand fast, but she knew that he would say "ass," so she picked on Sally and she said, "Apple." She said, "What word starts with B?" Little Johnny raised his hand as fast as he could, but she knew that he would say something like "bitch," so she picked on Emmanuel and Emmanuel said, "Banana." She went all the way to W. Little Johnny raises hand as fast as he could again, and the teacher thought of a cuss word that could start with the letter W. She could not think of a cuss word that could start with W, so she called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny said, "Wow." The teacher said, "Good job." Then Little Johnny said, "Like wow, two elephants fucking!"
What did the zoo say to the snow ❄️? Get lost!
Why didn't anyone care about the circus?
Because it was irr-elephant.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What is bigger than an elephant but smaller than two elephants?
A different sized elephant.
Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭
What do you call an ugly, grey thing?
Cinderelephant!
Why is an elephant big, grey, and hairy?
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"
Sure, just tell me how to put on a mask.