Elephant jokes
Why didn't anyone care about the circus?
Because it was irr-elephant.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Q: My scale had my phone number on it. Wandering why, I looked up only to see an elephant in my face...
Why is the elephant headed God the true God?
Because he doesn't exist!
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelephant.
What do you call a helicopter, elephant, and rhino?
Hellephino (Hell if I know)
Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?
Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
What time do you have when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
What's the difference between a grape and an elephant?
I don't know, what?
They are both purple except for the elephant.
How many potatoes to feed the elephant?
Your mama is so fat that when she went to the scale, it said, "No elephants allowed!"
Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.
In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.
The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.
The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?
You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-
(Destroys phone cutely)
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
El, if I know.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Why was the elephant woozy?
Because he was trunk.
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: To hide up cherry trees.
Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: Giraffes eating cherries.