Education jokes
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
A kindergarten teacher asks her students, "Do you know any words that start with P?"
Little Timmy responds with, "Elmo."
Why do orphans hate school? Because of homework.
"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."
Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of studying and dying?
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
Why did the cheetah go to school?
To be a cheetah.
How to learn your Vitamins:
A = Art.
B = Bouncy Balls.
C = Cookies.
D = Da Sun.
You'll be smarter than a doctor next time you visit!
Why was the rapper always good at math?
Because he had a lot of FLOW CHARTS.
A man goes into a job interview and sits down.
The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"
The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"
The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"
The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."
I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.
My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.
You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.
I'll shut up now.
Why are school shooting jokes so funny? Answer: The bullets hit your funny bone!
Why does a Mexican want to learn math?
To study perimeter.
Where do surfers go to school?
Boarding school.
The smartest kid in my class says "is-land" instead of "island."
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.
Student: Why does everyone hate me?
Another student: Because U got the A last night.
What's a Mexican's least favorite lesson in art? Drawing border lines.
Dear Grad Parents,
Please pass the attached Commencement schedule on to your graduate(s). We ask that students arrive 15 minutes prior to their scheduled time and that they do not arrive early. Staff will greet the students outside the main entrance. Students may wear cap and gowns and/or formal wear.
There will be more information to follow in the coming days.
Thank you.