Education jokes

I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.

Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?

A: Lazy bones.

Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

So he could get into high school.

Why is the number 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.

Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.

Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!

Teacher: Where’s the P?

Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)

One of the students reported a school shooting.

That fucking snitch...

What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.

What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.

What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.

Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"

Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.

A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says, "What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?" The boy cries.

Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says, "You gonna tell your mom?", the little boy says, "Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over."

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?

The waffle iron.

Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”

No? Shame, it was real fun.

The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves.

Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book.

Marriage is really educational.

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.

There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.

The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself. They were making sexual faces as well, oh, and don't forget the moaning they do.

Why did the rapper go to school?

To improve his FLOW-CABULARY!