Education jokes
What do you call a short person that goes to school?
A Sammie.
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
What did the math teacher write on his party invitations?
Be there or B2.
What does a cow use in school? A cowculator.
My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.
I'm running out of degrees? I guess I better throw myself in fire to raise my internal temperature (measured in degrees).
How does a well-educated graduate approach a delicate situation?
I don't know, how does a well-graduated education approach a what?
With a degree!
What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.
You know what they say: "Location, location, location." So my dad stuck a thermometer up his butt, and now he has degrees.
Did you hear about the volcano that was accepted into Cambridge?
It was a decision on the number of degrees it holds, which is a lot, because volcanoes have lava if they're active. And ours was.
Do you want to know why I hired a protractor to tutor my nephew in IIROC? Because he has degrees. 180 of them. So he's smar[t].
If I had a loonie for every degree I have, I wouldn't have a loonie.
Why did the glacier send the iceberg to college?
Because, in order for ice to exist, it must retain a temperature of less than... ZERO DEGREES at the atomic level!
Why didn't the right angle go to college? Because he had 90 degrees.
My friend Joe was a great hunter. He always shot like 3 deer every week.
He was even better at school when he bagged 30 of them.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N. Oh my gosh, I'm peeing on my shoe, no one knows about it yet!
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
Why do elves go to school?
To learn the elf-abet.