Ear Jokes

What happened when the corn got scolded? He got an earful!

As the navy seals burst into osama bin ladens room in his pakistani compound, his last dying words forever wrung in the ears of the seals...

"It was just a prank bro"

After every line, say “I’m a man.” I went to the club. (I’m a man) I met a girl. (I’m a man) I took her to the bar. (I’m a man) We got some drinks. (I’m a man) I took her home. (I’m a man) We got in bed. (I’m a man) She whispered in my ear, (I’m a man)

I speak for the trees * Trees whisper in my ear* They said six million wasn't enough

So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade. John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.

"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it they can sew it back on."

After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is", handing the ear to John.

"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it."

Yesterday I was in a wind storm. Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was Ear-ittating.

If someone licks your elbow... you wont feel it if you put your ear up to someone's leg you can hear them say "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

Ayo the pizza here... OH NlGGA! AHHHHH!... Augh, my ears burn!

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

How much do pirate earrings cost? 🤔 Answer: a buck an ear. 🤣

Why don't humans eat raw meat, because they use technology to cry about raw meet is good, go and leave bro, I'm going to ear sushi

What do you call a deer with no ear. One ear

What did the skeleton pull out from behind his ear?

Nothing, Skeletons don’t have ears

Person: My left ear is ringing. Friend: Then answer it...

Me people call me emo Older cosin why Becase i always have my hood up and where black cloths and ware black cross earrings

A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment...

The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.

"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."

"How does it work?"

The guys picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole...it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"

Its this girl named deaf waht a weird name but i know that cause i was ear hustling. But anyway evertime i call her she doesn't answer i wanna clap some cheeks tonight how could she hate me when she dont no me

In fields of gold, where sunshine beams, Monkeys swing and play, it's their dreams. Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, Picking cotton with delight.

Their little hands so quick and neat, Plucking the cotton, can't be beat. They chatter and laugh, they dance and play, In the fields all day, they'll stay.

Their tails so long, their ears so big, They're quite the sight, it's quite a gig. They're busy as can be, you see, In the fields of cotton, they're free.

So let us marvel at these little thieves, In the fields of gold, they give and receive. Their antics bring us joy and delight, In the fields of cotton, they're always right.

So I'm the Cable Guy around the neighborhood and I do everybody's table so I walked into this one house and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs I was asking where her mom was and she wasn't answering and it looked like something was wrong so I asked if anything was wrong she didn't answer so I kind of raise my voice at her but she still didn't answer and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear