Dry jokes

What were Princess Diana's last words?

Have you been Dri...?

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.

One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."

I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.

Setting: Funeral Home

Customer: Yes, I was considering what would be the best option for cheap cremation, but I feel that's silly to ask.

Funeral Director: Oh! We do have these nice urns over here at a discounted 75 percent off.

Customer: Okay? What's the catch? That's almost 300 dollars off?

Funeral Director: I assure you these are top-of-the-line urns and will keep your loved ones' remains secure and dry.

Customer: Okay?

Funeral Director: Yep, these have only been used once, so it is absolutely worth the purchase.

By: MiniMemorials.com

Yo mama so disgusting, she hangs toilet paper to dry after she wiped with them.

What should you do to prevent dry skin? Use a towel.

"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."

Did you get your phone from the desert? No wonder why your texts are always so dry.

Why do women fart when they pee? To blow dry.

"Sike, I lied, your dick is dry."

You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.

Robyn Olive in 10.

Watching paint dry sounds like a thrill compared to spending time with Slade.

Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.

I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.

I got knob cheesed after your sexy mom was on top, dry humping me on the vanilla-coloured living room carpet.

A tortoise was in a dry pool along with some geese. The tortoise said that they could carry him to a fresh pool. Then the geese flew through the air holding the tortoise. The tortoise was about to say something, but fell and died.

What gets wetter as it dries?

A towel!

Why did you put your dirty ass feet in my grits without telling me all this?

Because I forgot to wash and dry them with a paper towel.

What do you get if you do not eat? Dry.

Eli Tremain.