Drive

Drive jokes

Guy

Friend: Why did you touch me?

Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

Sister

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

Golf

Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.

Man

What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?

Driving under the influencer.

Memes

Drive memes

Pilot

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

Hand

How did Helen Keller drive?

One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.

Woman

Yeah, so why can't a blind woman drive?

Exactly, cuz she's a woman.

Candy

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

Spider-Man

Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.

Power

It’s about drive, it’s about power, We stay hungry, we devour, Put in the work, put in hours, And take what’s ours.

Hairline

Yo hairline go back so far you could drive 1,000,000 miles and still not find it.

Week

Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"

Train

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

Driver

1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!