Drink jokes
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
A goat drank my Red Bull, so now it's a Baphomet!
What was Jim Jones' favorite drink?
Killer Kool-Aid.
Aj died in a bar.
The end.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.
"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"
The man with glasses frowns.
"Where did all the others go, then?"
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"
What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking Fanta make you fantastic?
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."
I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.
You know where I get my soda? Mini-soda.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
My friend had a drink called Quick Start, so I said, "That's a quick start to the morning!"
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
I want diabetes so I can drink loads of Coke. - Louie Fennell 2018
A black man walked into a bar. Another guy invited him over for a drink. They spent the rest of the night drinking and having a good time.