New Drink Jokes - Page 22 - Worst Jokes Ever

I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.

You know where I get my soda? Mini-soda.

What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?

You get a milkshake!

My friend had a drink called Quick Start, so I said, "That's a quick start to the morning!"

What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?

Spoiled milk.

I want diabetes so I can drink loads of Coke. - Louie Fennell 2018

A black man walked into a bar. Another guy invited him over for a drink. They spent the rest of the night drinking and having a good time.

101 pedo jokes.

Why's everything x2, need to get this shit dick off before the coppers come, it's called women taking advantage, you'll shit the bitcoin, 90% percent of pedo's who don't admit they're like kids blame the police, shit your kappas, you only want my veins why don't you inject me with smack, run in with ya black armbands, I've been sized for a million pound, stop giving me strain asking questions, I know what's going to happen next, bet the judge is a women, jealous coz your drink tastes like shit?

Is it coz your shit though? How many bids have you done? Shit 1 million views, don't try bribe me, did the police give me snip? How's my barbie doll or shall I say my little pony? The police beat fuck outta me, what's all these needle marks on my arm, I can tell you want something, why's everything like one big cycle, police own the dark web.

Keep it going on lol.

A dung beetle walks into a bar and says to another beetle, "Is this stool taken?"

I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

A redneck and a Black man walk into a bar and order a drink.

What do a girl and a bar have in common?

A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!

Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."

His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"

Hey, look, it's Bai! (insert the picture of a Bai drink)

Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."

A mushroom walked into a pub.

He asked the bartender to give him a beer.

The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."

The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"

What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.

A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."