Downing jokes

A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

Life has ups and downs, and they had downs.

People are like tequila glasses,

you gotta shoot them down fast.

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.

She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"

Joe mama so fat, when she did the IShowSpeed dance, she fell five floors down.

Yo... Kobe, you're going down man. Did you forget the low grade fuel?

How can you get 3 homos to sit on one barstool?

Turn it upside down.

Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.

"Batteries, batteries, who the batteries in your remotes and everything else you got in your house is turned upside down?"

What are the similarities between BTC and 9/11? They both crashed down.

These jokes have a good build up, but in the end, they all come crashing down.

How many emos does it take to fix a light?

I don't know because they never came down.

Q: What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?

A: A mud slide.

I'm going to burn Braden Mitchell Kniffen's house down.

The youngest of the Twin Towers said, "Goodbye, brotha." But the one who got hit, which is the oldest, said, "If I go down, you go with me!"

Are your ankles having a party? Because I think your pants should come on down.

How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.

Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.