DoS jokes

What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

Neither can see their parents.

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.

I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

Why do orphans support slavery?

They finally have an owner.

Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?

Son: A ugly girl.

Dad: Why not a pretty girl?

Son: A pretty one might run away.

Dad: So an ugly one might too.

Son: Yeah, but who cares?

How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?

What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.

Do trees shit?

Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?

Q: Do you know why black people have nightmares?

A: Because we shot the last one who had a dream.

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?

Dribble.

How do you start a school shooting at a black school?

Call the cops.

Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.

Why do feminists eat so much pussy?

To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.

Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?

Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"

Dad: "Ask your sister."

Girl: "I don't have a..."

Do you want to play Titanic?

When I say iceberg, you go down on me.

What joke do you tell an orphan?

Knock knock...

Who's there?

Not your parents.

One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!

Dentist: Open up, sir.

Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.

Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.

Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.

Dentist: Do you need help??

Me: Yep.

Dentist: ...

Me: ....

What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."