What do you call a depressed person?
Me.
DoS Jokes
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
What do the movies The 6th Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither can see their parents.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?
Son: A ugly girl.
Dad: Why not a pretty girl?
Son: A pretty one might run away.
Dad: So an ugly one might too.
Son: Yeah, but who cares?
Q: Do you know why black people have nightmares?
A: Because we shot the last one who had a dream.
How do you start a school shooting at a black school?
Call the cops.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on juan.
Do you want to play Titanic?
When I say iceberg, you go down on me.
What joke do you tell an orphan?
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not your parents.
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.
Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?
It doesn’t hit home.
