What do you call an orphan taking a picture with it's family?
A self-fie.
Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
What do you call a depressed person?
Me.
Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?
Son: A ugly girl.
Dad: Why not a pretty girl?
Son: A pretty one might run away.
Dad: So an ugly one might too.
Son: Yeah, but who cares?
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
Q: Do you know why black people have nightmares?
A: Because we shot the last one who had a dream.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither can see their parents.
What do the movies The 6th Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
Do you want to play Titanic?
When I say iceberg, you go down on me.
What joke do you tell an orphan?
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not your parents.
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.
Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?
It doesn’t hit home.
