DoS jokes
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.
Q. What do you call a Mexican Jedi?
A. a PadaJuan.
What do ambulances and gay men have in common? They both take it in the back and go whoop whoop! :D
I got an orphan an iPhone 6. I told him to press the home button. He has been doing it all day.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture with it's family?
A self-fie.
Memes
One day Nathan came in ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Nathan, what do you have to say for yourself?" Nathan says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then Dave came in a further ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Dave, what do you have to say for yourself?" Dave says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then Mike came in a further ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Mike, what do you have to say for yourself?" Mike says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then five minutes later a new girl walked in to Mr. Jones's lesson. Mr. Jones is at the end of his tether now and says, "Who are you and why are you late?" The new girl says, "Sir, I'm called Cherry Hill."
What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
An orphan's parents.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
Don't do gay jokes, come on guys.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
Warning, this is dark.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.
What do the initials ACLU stand for?
π€
American Communist Lawyers Union.
What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?
A Mexican't.
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo? A selfie.
Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
What do you call a depressed person?
Me.