What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
What do ambulances and gay men have in common? They both take it in the back and go whoop whoop! :D
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
Hereβs a trick I learned to do on the calculator.
Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)
Boobless.
What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
An orphan's parents.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
Don't do gay jokes, come on guys.
One day Nathan came in ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Nathan, what do you have to say for yourself?" Nathan says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then Dave came in a further ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Dave, what do you have to say for yourself?" Dave says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then Mike came in a further ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Mike, what do you have to say for yourself?" Mike says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then five minutes later a new girl walked in to Mr. Jones's lesson. Mr. Jones is at the end of his tether now and says, "Who are you and why are you late?" The new girl says, "Sir, I'm called Cherry Hill."
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.
Warning, this is dark.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.
How do you know when an orphan is lying?
When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."
What do the initials ACLU stand for?
π€
American Communist Lawyers Union.
What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.
What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?
A Mexican't.
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo? A selfie.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
I got an orphan an iPhone 6. I told him to press the home button. He has been doing it all day.
