What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?
Matt.
What do the Twin Towers and gender have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive topic.
What do you call Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
What do EMO kids use as birth control? Their Personalities.
What do you call a 90-year-old black man?
Antique farming equipment.
What do skeletons hate the most about wind?
Nothing, it goes right through them.
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."
"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."
What do you call an Indian electrician?
Ashok 😂
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.
Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.
Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?
Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.
Police: ... Child: 😊
Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
Son: Mom, what is dark humor?
Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!
Mom: Exactly!
What would Batman do if he wasn't rich?
He would be robin.
Where do feminists go when they die? "Hell's Kitchen."
Why do orphans like to play GTA?
Because it's the only time they are wanted.
😳 😳 😳 what can a physically handicapped ♿ 👬 👨 👨 gay man can do better than a physically handicapped ♿ bisexual man 👨 👩 👨 🤔 when his 👄 mouth is wide open 😍 when his head is sticking out under the stall inside the men's 🚹 restroom 🚻 at a rest 😴 area 😴 suck the chrome of a tall pipe 👄
