I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man do I love being a sniper.
What do you call you're daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
What do you call a high school student? Alone and depressed.
Q: how do you know when an asian broke into your house?
A: you can ́t find your dog.
What do you call an autistic kidwith a gun?
Special Forces.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak
Why do hospitals have fans? To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig
how do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? a blender. how do you get them out? tortilla chips.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. "I don't understand it, Doc", she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas". "Thankfully", she added, "they are at least silent when I fart". Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled. The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape
what is the one thing cripples can't do......stand up comedy
what do u call a preist in a room full of naked boys a Colonoscopy
What kind of dreams do hotels have?
Suite dreams
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"
what do you do when you get locked outside your house...... you talk to the lock. because communication is key.
Why do horses 🐴 eat with their mouth open?
Because they have bad stable manners.
