Dont jokes

My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.

I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”

Charizarding.

When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

Why don't they put petals on wheelchairs so when our arms get tired, we just use our legs?

At least Africans don't have to worry about food critics.

Don't scare me! I poop easily!

This is a lot like anal sex.

You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.

What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?

A Catholic priest.

What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?

"Now sashimi, now you don't!"

What number is better; 46 or 47?

I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.

Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.

What’s the difference between fruit and dead babies?

I don’t put fruit in a blender.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.

We don't got sluts in the South, we got NATS: Nasty Ass Traveling Sluts.

I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.

You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.

You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!

"Yah, I do!"

Oh yeah? What is it?

"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"

That’s breathing, Jim.

"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"

Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?

Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Answer: Because they taste funny!

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Eggs don’t cum.