Dont jokes

Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?

FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.

So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?

I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.

Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?

My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.

Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?

I was lying on the bed the other night and my missus was playing with my cock, trying to get it to go hard. She asked me what's the matter? I said, "I just don't find women without hair very attractive."

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.

Guy: I don't, I see your mom.

Somebody shouts "Fire!"

Man 1: Get the children out!

Man 2: F*** the children!

Man 3: We don't have time!

Why are you sitting down to pee? I don't have a good back and can't lift something big.

What do you call a gay woman? I don't know.

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."

I don't struggle with self-harm, I do it everyday.

At least if you're fat you don't need to put as much bathwater in the bath.

Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.

What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?

I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.

Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."

Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"