Dont jokes
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
Why don't orphans care if they get in trouble? They can't call their parents.
Why don't orphans go on trips at school?
Parent signature: _______________
You: What do you call a door knob without the lock?
Me: I don't know.
You: Are you sure?
Me: I don't know.
You: Okay.
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
Why can't orphans go on field trips?
They don't have anybody to sign the form.
My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.
I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call them "daddy."
Kid: Where do I put this paper?
Teacher: I already said go ask your neighbors.
Kid: Ok. *Walks home to his neighbor's house*
Kid: Hey neighbor, I didn't know where to put this paper, and my teacher said to ask you. Do you know?
Neighbor: No, sorry, I don't.
Kid: Okay, bye! *Kid walks back to school.*
Kid: Teacher, my next-door neighbor didn't know.
Teacher: Ugh, you went home?!
Kid: Yes, you told me to!
Teacher: I meant at school!
Kid: Ohhhhhh!
Teacher: Duh!
Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!
Me: Why? They don't land well together?
Dad: I'm giving all your toys to the orphan kid.
Kid: Why, Dad?
Dad: So you don't get bored.
I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.
You're so fat, you don't need internet because you're already worldwide.
This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."
He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."
I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!
Please don't get mad, it's a joke.
What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.
Why can't orphans suck dick?
Because they don't have a stepbro.
In an alternate universe: I don't know how to solve the power of 10, but I do know how to pay taxes.
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.