Dont jokes
Kobe: "Don't crash!"
Helicopter: *Crashes*
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
Communists don't play Minecraft.
They play Ourcraft.
An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.
Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!
Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.
Doctor: I didn’t.
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."
What did the mad penis say to the vagina? “Don’t make me come in there!”
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
I don't beat up midgets.
That would be punching down.
I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.
I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.
You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!
Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.
Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.🫡👍
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don't get some support soon, people are gonna think we're nuts.