Dont jokes

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

Tell your mom I don't like waiting in queues.

You really seem like you don't want to be laughing at that rape joke, but somewhat ironically, I'm forcing you.

It's a shame Iran doesn't know how to restrain Israel. If only they had Hitler's expertise.

Now he really would be THE FINAL SOLUTION!

I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!

Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.

Why do French people eat snails?

Because they don’t like fast food.

Women have eggs and milk in them...

And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.

I used to be emo, but I don't cut myself to solve my problems anymore.

I just drink a bunch of liquor like an adult.

I don't laugh at Trump.

I was taught to NEVER make fun of the mentally handicapped.

Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.

I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.

Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?

A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.

Me and bro talking about direct objects at 1 a.m. because we don’t know English.

When Canadians get hurt, they don't go "ouch," they go "ooch!"

Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?

They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, flags big plus.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

Why don’t orphans play hide and seek?

Because no one will look for them.

I don't like Trump because he has ruined my kind's greatest man, Donald Duck.

If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.