Where can you donate an aborted fetus?
Your local pizzeria.
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
What did the receptionist at the sperm bank say when you were leaving? "Thanks for coming!" 😉😉
I donated a computer to the orphanage...
It didn’t have a motherboard.
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
I hope Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, 'cause I need some parts for my go-cart.
I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.
I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."
Why is Stephen Hawking an organ donor?
Because he saved 200 computers!
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
There was a man named Matt that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go ahead."
Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."
Priest, "How so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just rubbed each other, that's all."
Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box!"
Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."
Then Matt walks out the door.
Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in."