Philanthropy jokes

What do chairs spend on the most?

Chair-ity.

What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry?

My donation to the orphanage :)

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

I just donated $100 to a blind children's charity, suck that no one will see it.

Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.

Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.

So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.

Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.

I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

I now have $999,999.75.

Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS?

If you stop giving money to a church, you won't go to prison.