Donation jokes
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
There was a man named Matt that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go ahead."
Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."
Priest, "How so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just rubbed each other, that's all."
Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box!"
Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."
Then Matt walks out the door.
Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in."
What is the biggest disrespect to send a box of tea bags to Africa?
An orphanage is like a horse rescue: you rescue them, you rehabilitate them, and then you sell them to the highest bidder.
I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.
I just donated $100 to a blind children's charity, suck that no one will see it.
Boosterthon asks to raise up to $35,000.
I donate $35,000. I ask, "What's my prize?" Boosterthon worker says, "Here's a headband." Me: "I donated the goal, so is that it?" Boosterthon worker: "No, it's $35,000 per person." I pass out. Boosterthon worker goes back to work like it is a regular day.
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
What is a glory hole at the adult bookstore used for?
campaign contribution to the Republican Party.
So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.
Then I told him, "What are you doing?"
He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.
He then told me how easy would that be?
I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."
When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you.
When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called--sheesh!
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.
What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS?
If you stop giving money to a church, you won't go to prison.
Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,
"Thank you for your donation!"
Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."
Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
It isn't a real charity until India opens call centers, like they did with Africa.
Why would you never donate to crabs?
Because they're shellfish!
My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.