Dog jokes
Person: Where do I commit suicide?
Dog: Roof.
Person: Good idea.
What’s the difference between a cat and a dog?
It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.
I named my dog Chicken.
I love eating chicken.
My friend has a dog who looks like cocoa. Her name is Cocoa!
What is the difference between babies and dogs?
I don't eat dog parts.
A family had a very disobedient dog. It would bite the children’s hands when they pet the animal, the dog would piss on everything, and it would chew their shoes. This is why it was adopted.
I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.
What did the female dog say to the mirror?
Hi, bitch!
I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.
Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.
I smell up dog in here.
"What's up, dog?"
Nothing much, how about you?
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.
What do you call a dog without legs?
Nothing, it won't come either way.
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.
A dog talks to another dog and says,
"Wow, you're a hot dog!"
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!