Dog jokes
What do you call a dog without legs?
Nothing, it won't come either way.
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.
A dog talks to another dog and says,
"Wow, you're a hot dog!"
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
Why do dogs like skeletons?
Because they're boneheads.
A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."
Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."
So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"
The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"
The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"
Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.
Why did I shoot my dog?
Because it pissed me offff! Ahhhhhahahahahahahahahaha! 👌👌😎
Why aren't dogs known as carrots? Because they aren't.
How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?
Get it a Rolex!
How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?
Your dog is gone. ;)