Doesnt jokes
What's the difference between a pizza & a person?
A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
I made a website for orphans the other day... it doesn’t have a home page.
Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.
Stephen is lucky he doesn’t need a vibrator.
He’s got himself.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
Sand under docks is very resilient. It doesn’t give in to pier pressure.
What's the difference between cancer and a Nazi? Cancer doesn't discriminate.
Why doesn't bread like warm weather?
It gets toasty!
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What's the difference between George Bush and Donald Trump?
One is into airline security, and one is into wall, turrets, and rockets.
What's the similarity between George Bush and Donald Trump?
It just doesn't work...
Why is the elephant headed God the true God?
Because he doesn't exist!
Chuck Norris doesn't ride horses.
Horses ride him.
Why does Beethoven's music sound like hell sometimes?
Because he doesn't listen to it!
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.
The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
Lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, but Chuck Norris does.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
Because he doesn’t know where home is.
A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad husband?
Because he doesn't stand up for his wife.