DOE jokes
What show does an orphan hate? Family Feud.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.
What does a cow say? Moo.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
Everybody does this
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?
Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.
How does the zebra cross the road?
The zebra crossing.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
What does Michael Jackson like to eat? Little wieners.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite drink? Mi-hee-lk.
What do a priest and Life have in common?
They both get harder when kids are around.
How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?
Push?! He fell...
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A wishlist.
Why does Hitler wear glasses? Because he can Nazi without them.
How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.
Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"
Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.
LOL
Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?
He does not like roasted vegetables.
How does a disabled kid walk to school?
He wishes he had the facilities to.