DOE jokes
How does a train eat?
It goes, "chew chew."
How does a woman scare their gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
Why does the singer put a radio in her fridge?
Because she can listen to call music.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
Why does Britain suck at chess?
They lost their queen.
Why does this always happen to me...
If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?
(Stupid People)
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
What does the ocean do to its friends? It waves. (*Sorry, I wasn’t making any jokes for a while. I was getting sick of this thing.*)
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?
I don't know, I can never see them.
How does NASA fart?
They fart with their ass-teroids.
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
How many dead slaves does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently, more than 6, because my basement is still dark.
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.
How many victims does Shaw have?
We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.
How many kids does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them. 😂😂😂😂
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? One, if you throw it hard enough.
Ya nan does gymnastics with her boyfriends.
What does this mean? 👊🥩
What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.
I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.
I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.