DOE jokes
Why does the queen move more than a king on the chessboard?
Because it looks like a kitchen floor.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
What does a skeleton tile his roof with? Shingles!
How does a skeleton kill a bug?
They SOCKET!
How does the non binary kill white en Amy?
They/them.
Does anyone else just randomly build a lantern at 9:30pm
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
NASA's response: National Aeronautics and Space Administration.
Everyone: What does NASA mean?
Arinator's response: National Ariana and Space Ariana.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.
Why does China have the biggest eyewear?
Because all their eyes are too small.
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!
What does Michael Jackson and maths have in common? They're both hard for kids.
Mom: Daddy, stop!
Me: No!
Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.
So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:
Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?
Student: PIGS!
Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?
Student: SHEEP!
Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.
Student: IK where that comes from!
A FAT COW! 😂😂
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?
"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"
What does a pickle look like a p*nis?
What does a pig call its dad... mom? 😂
So, if Russia was the motherland and Germany was the fatherland, what does that mean?
The Western Front is domestic violence.
What does a ginger do when they want to high five a friend? They clap.
How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house?
None because they don't have a home.
Mom: Hey son, what does "idk" and "idc" mean?
Son: I don’t know and I don’t care.
Mom: Excuse me?
Son: Oh, and by the way, Mom, what’s for dinner?
I don’t know and I don’t care.