DOE jokes

How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?

She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.

A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?

On the COWch (couch).

What car does Hitler drive?

A Fuhrerri.

A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?

Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.

Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."

What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?

Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!

Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?

You have to look down to see him.

How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.

How does Moses make his cup of tea?

He brews it.

Why does it take three women with PMS to screw in a lightbulb?

IT JUST DOES!!!!

What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

They're both turned on by kids.

Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?

A: They were both shot in a theater.

How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?

4!

One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.

Why does an orphan’s calendar only have 363 days?

There are no Father’s or Mother’s Days on their calendar.

what game does an emo love?

Hangman.

What does a perverted frog say?

"Rubbit."

Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.

I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."