DOE jokes
What does Drake call his rake?
Da-Rake.
Why does Hitler wear glasses? Because he can Nazi without them.
Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"
Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.
LOL
How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?
Push?! He fell...
How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.
Memes
Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."
What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
How does Moses make his cup of tea?
He brews it.
Why does it take three women with PMS to screw in a lightbulb?
IT JUST DOES!!!!
What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They're both turned on by kids.
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"
Why does an orphan’s calendar only have 363 days?
There are no Father’s or Mother’s Days on their calendar.
what game does an emo love?
Hangman.
Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
What song does Saturn sing?
"If you like it then you should have put a ring on it."
So, a bear and a rabbit are in a field. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Does your poop stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied, "No." Then the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt.