DOE jokes
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why does a milking stool have 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder one.
Why does the sky think it's so powerful?
Because it's always looking down on us.
What does a transgender call his/her parent?
Transparent.
Your mama is so short, she does backflips under her bed.
What does Drake call his rake?
Da-Rake.
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A wishlist.
Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
How does Moses make his cup of tea?
He brews it.
Why does it take three women with PMS to screw in a lightbulb?
IT JUST DOES!!!!
What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They're both turned on by kids.
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"
what game does an emo love?
Hangman.