DOE jokes
What do Michael Jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket.
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
Memes
What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?
Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
How does the zebra cross the road?
The zebra crossing.
What does the policeman say to the jumper?
"Hey! Pullover!"
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
What does the Trump administration use instead of emails? Alternative fax.
What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?
He can't drink and drive.
What school does a depressed middle school kid go to?
KMS.
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?
A. Crayons.
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.