DOE jokes
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.
What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?
Why does Michael Jackson like 44-year-olds? There's 4 of them.
What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?
They both broke and everybody cried.
Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"
Because he needs to pick your balls.
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
What does Michael Jackson and an ant have in common? They are both innocent.
Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.
Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?
He is waiting for his dad with the milk.
Why does Hitler hate golf?
He would end up in a bunker!