DOE jokes
What car does Hitler drive?
A Fuhrerri.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.
What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.
What does Michael Jackson and caviar have so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
What does the policeman say to the jumper?
"Hey! Pullover!"
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!