DOE jokes
Why does China have the biggest eyewear?
Because all their eyes are too small.
I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.
Why do feminists eat so much pussy?
To get the taste of dick out of their mouths.
Does it cycle now, you stupid bitches?
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone!
What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?
The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What does a baby in a blender look like? I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
What show does an orphan hate?
Family Guy.
How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
Q: What does LMAO mean?
A: Launching Missiles At Orphanages.
Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"
A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"