DOE jokes
How does an octopus laugh? Buble buble.
What does Helen Keller say when she touches a basketball?
Duhhuuughhhr.
What does "A" say to "ss"?
"We are the perfect couple. We make Ass."
What does the penis say to the condom? "Cover me I'm going inside."
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
What does a blondie and a shotgun have in common?
Give them a cock and they're ready to blow.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
Why does a heterosexual man believe that if a heterosexual man gets his dick sucked by another heterosexual man it's called a "brojob"?
Because it's male bonding.
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.
Why does Aaron always look depressed? Because his grandma's dead.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
Chuck does not cut butter with a knife, he cuts a knife with butter.
Teacher: What does a cow say?
Susie: Moo.
Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?
Jimmy: The duck goes quack.
Teacher: Now what does a pig say?
Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow! What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?
Ones that contain nuts.
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.