DOE jokes
If Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun, does that mean that every country is a 3rd world country?
Hey! Some idiot drew a cat on this pillar! Wait... does that make it a caterpillar?
What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?
Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.
What does a nosy pepper do?
Gets jalapeño business.
What does iCloud eat for lunch?
Your documents.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying “Oh Fu-k”?
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they're so DARN STUPID!!!!
Two muffins are sitting in a bar.
The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."
The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.
Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says mo mo.
Teacher: Good.
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says maa maaa.
Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says "Put your hands up and get agenst the wall you black mother fucke*."
Why can’t Sally hang herself?
She does not have arms.
What is a tree that does not exist?
A money tree.
How does Stephen Hawking charge his computer?
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Keyboard sex!
What skeleton does Crap-ton of?
A "bone".
What does a butt do when it is angry?
Butt crack!
How many times does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Tentacles!
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Terrible!
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?
She lost her ass playing poker...
Does anyone else like Tacos? C'mon let's Taco 'bout it!!! :p Hey, Tacos are made of atoms too......
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two ;)