DOE jokes
How does Stephen Hawking charge his computer?
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Keyboard sex!
Does anyone else like Tacos? C'mon let's Taco 'bout it!!! :p Hey, Tacos are made of atoms too......
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two ;)
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?
She lost her ass playing poker...
How many times does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Tentacles!
What does a butt do when it is angry?
Butt crack!
What skeleton does Crap-ton of?
A "bone".
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Terrible!
What is a cow that does magic?
A smart cow.
What is a dog that does not walk? A magic dog.
There is a young lady.
She is beautiful.
She got much vote.
But she speaks very fast.
Does she think she looks smart doing that?
She makes me feel bad.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: 1 to actually change the light bulb and the other 98 to suck each others' cocks and shit like that.
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
Teacher: Ok class, good morning. We are going to start off by asking what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says "moo moo."
Teacher: Good!
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says "baa baaa."
Teacher: Good! Now, what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall, you stupid mother fucker!"
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them turned to the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Why does Stephen Hawking always say he's got so many bitches?
Because he is never around Siri.
What does Stephen Hawking have for food?
Why does the orphan hate family jokes?
Cus it doesn't have one.
Does anyone know how to add pictures? Like, I need to know.
Why isn't the athlete in the full bus? Because she is trying to fit in.