DOE jokes
What does Stephen Hawking eat for his breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
His shoulder.
What does the cannibal say when he jumps into the pool?
CANNONBALL! P.S. I made this myself.
If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?
(Stupid People)
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
[God creating Asians] “Alright, and the design is finished, see our new model, the Asian. It has no hair at all.”
Angel asks, “Does it eat normal food?”
God replies, “(chuckling) Oh no, not at all.”
My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.
Why can't orphans see their parents?
Because they don't have one!
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
What does your mum have in common with your dad?
They are both men.
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
How many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just cry in darkness.
Why does a kid yell, "Shit?"
Because he had to take one.
Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one!
What does the Titanic sell most?
Icebreakers.
What does the orphan have in common with Batman? They both lost their parents.
Does anyone have an Xbox One? My gamertag is Chalkyfrog11. Add me and comment on this post telling me your gamertag.
What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.
How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.
Did you know that "girlfriend" at the end, it starts with "end." So does "boyfriend," and "friend" have "end" at the end of it, but "family" at the end it "ily" I love you.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
I don't know, it depends on how hard you throw them.
What does an Asian call a penis? A wong.
What does an Asian do with its legs? It wok.