DOE jokes
What does a Russian do for entertainment?
A nuclear world fair.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw 'em.
What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."
The other man says, "How do you know?"
The other man says, "Because she is dead."
What do you call a pig who does karate?
Pork chop!
How much cum does a gay guy have?
An ass loaded.
GUY 1: How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
GUY 2: Depends on how hard you throw them.
Teacher: What does the pig's skin do?
Student: It keeps pig skin together! đ
What does a rain cloud wear under her dress?
Thunderwear.
How does Stephen Hawking have sex?
Enter, backspace. Enter, backspace.
What did the skeleton say after dinner?
Bon appétit!
What does a 911 call receiver say when they get a call?
"9 Juan Juan, who this?"
How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
How do cows say "oof?"
They say, "MOOf."
Q: Where does a one-legged waitress work?
A: IHOP.
Q: If an electric train heads south, which way does the steam go?
A: No steam.
How does a well-educated graduate approach a delicate situation?
I don't know, how does a well-graduated education approach a what?
With a degree!
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen đ đ.
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.
The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb? None! They are still too busy trying to turn off the dark.
Click...uh Click..........,.UH!!
Confucius say, never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid: youâll lose every time and only hurt yourself.
(mono gloid? mong aâ loid squeals)
Did you hear the one about the dog raised by retards?
All heâd do is go âUh-f, uh-f....Ooohhhh!â
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
Whatâs red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? Theyâre painful to look at.
Why canât orphans play baseball? They donât know where home is.
Give a man a match, and heâll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.