DOE jokes

What does an apple have in common with an emo kid?

Answer: They both hang.

What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?

Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.

WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.

Guys, don’t suck your own dick, it does not feel like your dick is being sucked, it feels like you're sucking a dick.

Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"

The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"

A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"

Why does America suck at chess? Because they already lost their two towers.

What does this mean? 👊🥩

Why does an orphan's calendar only have 362 days? Because they don't celebrate Father's Day, Mother's Day, and Valentine's Day.

Why does Donald Trump love little boys? Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little prepubescent cocks.

What store does an orphan always get kicked out of?

Home Depot.

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.

What do parents and dark humor have in common? Not everyone gets them.

What do a prostitute and peanut butter have in common?

They both spread for bread.

How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.

Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year?

Because they don't have a Mother's and Father's Day.

Why can't orphans see their parents?

Because they don't have one!

What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Where does a banana learn to split?

At sundae school!

Why does Elmo turn emo? Because he's Elmo emo.

Does anyone else here eat pretzels with Nutella? It tastes AMAZINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Why does Peter Pan always fly?

'Cause he Neverlands.