DOE jokes
Why does Satan worship himself?
Jesus told him to worship God.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
This is not a joke. Have you ever thought about it? You’re an emo while wearing black. So what if you are black? Does that mean you’re an emo because you are black and emos wear black? ;)
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
What does the "f" stand for in orphan?
Family.
What does Jesus have in common with Pinocchio?
They believe their own lies.
What does the "W" stand for in Africa?
Water.
How does a disabled person play chess?
I think you forgot they don't have legs.
What does the f in orphan stand for? Family.
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
'Cause there are twenty of them.
What does a plug do when he's horny?
He jacks off!
What does a gun and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just beat the room for being black.
You wanna hear a joke?
Two Emos hanging out under a tree.
How many Emos does it take to commit suicide? Way too fucking many, because they never get it right the first time!
When does a Pentagon have 4 sides? When it's intercepted by a plane.
What do teachers eat? They eat square stuff.
What does 6 tell 7?
"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"
Why does fireman wear red suspenders?
To hold his pants up.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many babies does it take to paint the side of a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.