DOE jokes
If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw it.
What do the Titanic and the Montréal Canadiens have in common? They both sank to the bottom of the Atlantic.
How many emos does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they just sit there and cry in the dark.
What does the 'w' in Africa stand for? Water.
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?
I don't know, I can never see them.
Why does an orphan start with an "O"?
Because they only see their parents in their dream.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they sit in the dark and cry xdddd.
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
You didn't know that Helen Keller is dead? It's fine; neither does she.
White 40 year olds love little white kids, and so does Trump! The biggest hands to touch the kids and his daughter!
Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna..."
Vortex: "You'll do what?"
Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!"
*Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness*
Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."
What does Cinderella wear to the beach?
Glass slippers.
How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?
So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?
Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.
You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
So I went to a church and I asked a friend, "Is the picture on the wall Jesus, and does it have three nails or one nail?" Oh wait, that's not Jesus, he is not doing the T pose that he invited.
Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.