DOE jokes
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?
Yours.
What does Stephen Hawking eat for breakfast? His shoulder.
What does a skeleton tile his roof with?
Shin-gles!
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone!
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spareribs!
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?
In case he gets a hole in one.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
Why does Jesus never vacation on Earth?
Because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick, and they're still talking about it!
What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?
Boeing boeing boeing.
How does a mathematician get tan?
sin/cos.
How does a cow become invisible? -- Through camooflage.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.