DOE jokes
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.
How does Stephen Hawking take a shit? He logs out.
What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.
Why does Stephen Hawking have the voice of an angel?
Because no one has ever heard an angel talk.
What does Stephen King call his wife...
The black hole.
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
Why can’t Sally hang herself?
She does not have arms.
Why does Sally have 100 sisters? She lives in an orphanage.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for being black.
How many babies does it take to light up a basement?
I don't know, my basement is still dark.
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them. XD
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists.
How does NASA organize their parties? They planet.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
What do dairy products praise? Cheeseus.