DOE jokes
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how many you throw.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrel-elephant ;)
What does a clock do when he's still hungry?
He goes back "four" seconds!
Why does Sally hate herself? Because Sophie stole her boy.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.
How does Stephen Hawking take a shit? He logs out.
What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.
Why does Stephen Hawking have the voice of an angel?
Because no one has ever heard an angel talk.
What does Stephen King call his wife...
The black hole.
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
Why can’t Sally hang herself?
She does not have arms.
Why does Sally have 100 sisters? She lives in an orphanage.