DOE jokes
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
What does Vin Diesel eat for dinner?
Survival Guilt.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That it will never get old.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That I will never get old.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"
What does Stephen Hawking have for food?
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how many you throw.
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrel-elephant ;)
What does a clock do when he's still hungry?
He goes back "four" seconds!
Why does Sally hate herself? Because Sophie stole her boy.