DOE jokes
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
There is a young lady.
She is beautiful.
She got much vote.
But she speaks very fast.
Does she think she looks smart doing that?
She makes me feel bad.
Video games don't make people violent, lag does.
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
8 jelly tickles!
How many tickles does it take for an octopus to laugh?
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
Mom: Daddy, stop!
Me: No!
Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.
How many fingers does the Dragonborn have? Four fingers and a Thu'um.
How does the zebra cross the road?
The zebra crossing.
Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"
Why does it take three women with PMS to screw in a lightbulb? IT JUST DOES!!!!
What does a skeleton call their great-grandparents?
A fossil.
What does a cow use in school? A cowculator.
How does he go for a poo? He logs out.
How many degreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees does Billy Corgan have?
1979.
How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?
199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).
Get?
How does a well-educated graduate approach a delicate situation?
I don't know, how does a well-graduated education approach a what?
With a degree!
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.